


Free of it all.

by thefictitiousfiend



Category: The Sword of Truth - Terry Goodkind
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, also; we're cutting 'The Omen Machine' through 'Warheart' from cannon, but rest easy knowing they're alive and happy, really though it's just Nicci dealing with her PTSD and learning it's ok to cry, so Cara and Benjamin are still alive, they don't get mentioned in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:49:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7540399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefictitiousfiend/pseuds/thefictitiousfiend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since the war ended. A year since Jagang died and everyone could finally take a breath. It hits Nicci harder than expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Free of it all.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing something with the intent to share it, so I'm nervous and don't expect it to be any good, honestly. But I have a lot of feelings about Sister Nicci and how much Terry Goodkind fucked her over, so I needed to write this.

    She hadn't had time to cry during the war. Not for herself, at least. Honestly, for a long time she thought she shouldn't cry for herself. It was her duty to suffer, to help ease the pain of others. Using her gifts, both her magic and her beauty, to help other people, that was all that mattered.

    Then she captured Richard. Before knowing him, suffering and existence were just two sides of the same coin to her. He showed her there was more to life, that you could care about yourself and your happiness and still be a good person. He helped her realise that what happened to her was wrong.

    But she didn't allow herself to deal with it, until after everything was over. Even when she killed Jagang, she couldn't punish him for what he did. She couldn't risk making him a martyr, couldn't risk giving any validation to him or his cause. When she snuffed out his life, she removed him from the world only. But even with Richard's protection of her mind, he never left her dreams.

    After the war, when everyone was finally able to process everything, she finally let herself cry. She smiled all through Cara's wedding, like a friend was supposed to when another friend is going through something so happy. But later, when everyone else was still drinking and laughing, when Cara and Benjamin were spending their first night together as man and wife, she locked herself in the solitude of her room, and let herself feel everything she had been numb to all of those long years. One night of crying alone was not enough to fix her, but it was a start

___________________________________________________________________________

    It's been a year since the war ended. A year since Jagang died and everyone could finally take a breath. It hits Nicci harder than expected. There are still nights she can't sleep from the pain. There are still days she won't let people touch her because it's just too much. There are times, even, when she can't look anyone in the eye, because she still believes it's her fault. ~~They all tell her it's not, that she was too hurt to know she didn't have to be anymore, but those are the days she doesn't believe them.~~ There are some days she thinks she's fine. On those days she sits outside, reading, or walking through the city of the People's Palace and talking, laughing with the children. Most days, though, she doesn't see how she can be ok, and those days she barely leaves her room.

    Kahlan catches her crying, once. She wipes her eyes and tries to leave, but she stops her. She insists that she's fine, but Kahlan knows different. They talk for hours, and Kahlan holds her while she cries. Nicci tells her everything. From the first time she was attacked in that alleyway, to the last time she let Jagang strike her, to how little his death actually helped. Kahlan tells her that she's safe, now. That she's with friends, and nothing will happen to her again. Nicci finally believes it. 

___________________________________________________________________________

It's been five years since the war ended. Five years since Jagang died and everyone could finally take a breath, and Nicci is finally alright. It still hurts, of course. Pain like that doesn't fade. But it doesn't control her anymore. Nicci doesn't wear black anymore, not exclusively. She smiles more, real, genuine smiles. She laughs more. There are still nights when she cries, but she never does it alone anymore. She has people she loves, and who love her back. They're her family.

She's still hurt, but now she's something even more important. Now she's free.


End file.
